God…IMHO

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IMHO means, “In my humble opinion”, used for years in online Forums, but which have gone by the wayside recently, sadly.

Anyway, some people who go to A.A. have difficulty conceiving of God, of believing in God. I know. Here is my conception of God, borrowed from Jung. He said, “God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my willful path violently and recklessly, all things which upset my subjective views, plans, and intentions and change the course of my life for better or worse”.

To which I will add, God is the magic in the moment, the spirit in the spritzer. Goosebumps when we know something extraordinarily unusual and unique is happening. The inner knowing in a situation that would otherwise behoove us. The bird that lands close to us during our most desperate moments. A sudden coincidence that we cannot explain. The colour of the blossoms that catch our eye, the scent of the flowers that suddenly overpower us. The fresh breath of a child as they grasp and hold us without expecting. The pictures just sent from my daughter of her son playing languidly in the beach sand. The lingering moment between sunset and darkness that stirs something within our souls. That is God, and then some. Perhaps those reading could add to this in the comments? That would be nice, and another gift from God.

Is that sort of God difficult to believe in? I don’t think so. To me, that’s just the type of God I need! The one I have been longing for.

And in the end, if you still have difficulty believing, ask God — as a pure act of faith, which just means having great hope really — to reveal himself/herself/itself to you in some special way… he will, if you are open to it and looking for it. The little bird in my description above was just one of many ways he did for me. I feed the birds from my patio. Each spring the Junco’s leave for cooler weather in the deep forests. Each fall they return. One morning, in particular desperation I asked God for a sign, anything, to know that he cared, that he was there. I walked into my living room and there flew down the first Junco onto my patio, returning from the summer. I gasped with unbelief, but soon grasped the belief, the sign. That is beyond coincidence. That’s GOD. If he did it for me, many times, he will for you. Just ask! What have you got to lose? Nothing. So give it a shot…and let us know what happens!

P.S. When Jung was asked one day if he “believes” in God, he answered, “I don’t ‘believe’, I KNOW! (that God exists), because of his life-long experiences. At this stage of my life, I can say the same.

Nelson

Day 1…oh ya.

Whoa, “Day 1” packs an emotional wallop for me. I can’t remember the number of times I started an entry in my written journal with it. ALL FAILED. Sometimes I made it to day 2, most not. Well, THIS “Day 1” is different. LOL…I ‘ve said just that a bunch of times too. I’m writing myself into further insanity. I should just give up, give in, quit my job, live on the streets and hope to get thrown into a government run rehab program. Ah….no thanks. This Day 1 IS different. How so? I just know it is. I don’t think I ever wrote that in my journal.

Yesterdays plans all went to shite. I still drank my face off at my “Cheers”. I don’t care. Today is another day. Well, and I had a good excuse. My friends knew yesterday was my last planned drinking day, so they helped me out with that. That’s what good friends do, right?

So today I’m going to start detoxing myself, using alcohol, but only if I’m feeling desperate and in withdrawal, which has rarely happened during my million past failed attempts to quit. Ok, it did happen the last time, about 6 months ago. I had a small glass of wine about 2 in the morning because I couldn’t get to sleep. It helped, it worked. So I’ll do that again if I have to. Only if I have to.

This Day 1 is also different because I am doing bunch of extra things to help me. For example, my therapist (a Jungian) urged me to add a spiritual element in the mix. She suggested I light a candle and just stare into the flame to have a few quiet moments before I meditate. Well, I did light a candle, but I didn’t meditate. Instead — hold on to your hat’s — I drew a card from my Tarot deck. Let’s not get into what kind of spirituality we all think that is. It doesn’t matter! What matters is if it add’s that spiritual element for me, regardless of how much I or anyone else “believes” in it. Ok, so before drawing the card, I prayerfully asked God, the Universe, the Infinite Intelligence and Donald Trump for wisdom and guidance. No, I didn’t really add Donald Trump into the mix! And so, what card did I draw???

Using just the 21 “Major Arcana” cards, all in the right side up position, I drew card VII, number seven. Coincidentally (?), 7 my favourite, my “lucky” number. Nice. In a nutshell, the Chariot card means “moving forward towards success; a conquerer”. Another nice. I’d call drawing that card a meaningful coincidence, a rosy Synchronicity. At the very least, a nice bonus and encouragment for the day, for this new and fresh Day 1, of many more days to come.

Nelson.

5…

The countdown has begun. I have 5 day’s to taper down and quit my drinking. If not accomplished by this Saturday, I will be enrolling myself in the local Daytox program as I described earlier. Last night I was at my usual watering hole and had my usual fill, but starting today I’m beginning my taper down to zero drinks by Friday. I think I can do this. While I don’t have what AA would describe as a classical “Higher Power”, I do believe in a higher power of sorts; call it the “Universal Intelligence”. And aside from that, I do believe in the power that an AA community can provide. Even AA suggests that for those who have a problem with believing in God, that the AA community can be substituted for that.

So, starting today as well, I’m going to be going to an AA meeting every day for the rest of this week and will likely continue doing the same indefinately.

For those interested, I’ll be reporting in every day this week as the countdown continues, with actual numbers of drinks consumed each day.

Cheeeeeers!

Nelson