Yes, my hands are shaking this morning. Well, a couple nights ago I had a few. Yesterday, I met my buddy at the pub, at 1 pm, for what we amusingly call, “Hangover Relief”. Of course everyone knows that a hangover is alcohol withdrawal, so the “logical” thing to do is to use alcohol to help with the hangover, right? Maybe right if I had only one or two drinks, but I stayed at the pub until 7!
Needless to say, I’m not feeling very well today. I’ve been worse, but that’s beside the point. I have 7 day’s till my deadline. If I haven’t quit drinking by next Friday, I’m enrolling myself in that Daytox program. Seriously. I really don’t want to do that program. Something tells me that I will though. Oh what confidence I have in myself!
Wow, I just read the April 14th update from my journal, where it described how on the 13th I chose to just “Don’t drink”. It worked. (I’ll describe that another time). That was almost 6 months ago. I don’t think I’ve had a sober day since. In fact, until THIS MORNING I haven’t had a day without at least a mild hangover. At least once a week I have had a MAJOR hangover – so hung over that I felt like I was going to die. Not much has changed since then. Yesterday I had one of those major hangovers. By 2:30 I was at the Irish pub down the street having my favorite hangover drinks; Guinness. 2 pints of Guinness and 2 pints of Harp lager. After that, I headed home. I almost went up the street to my favorite pub — my “Cheers” on my way home. In fact I walked up there to see if my buddy Ryan’s truck was there. Had it been, I most certainly would have gone in and continued to drink. Thankfully he wasn’t there, so I hi-tailed it home. I didn’t WANT another drink actually. In fact the thought of it made me feel like I was going to puke, but I would have gone in if Ryan had been there! How amazingly disgusting this disease is. Once home I rested for a while in front of the TV and when I had enough energy to get off the sofa I made myself a delicious Taco dinner.
Going to sleep last night was difficult without the booze in my system. I ended up taking two sleeping pills and finally went to sleep about midnight. At 4 am I awakened to go to the bathroom and thankfully drifted back to sleep until about 8:30. When I opened my eyes then I was still very groggy, but as I lay there slowly waking up, for the first time in a very long time I realized that I was NOT, like usual, hung over, and I had slept very well. What a wonderful, novel even, feeling! After having a coffee I felt even better, noticing in particular that I was not feeling anxious like I do most mornings. I felt like I had taken a Xanax! That’s called feeling “normal” really, as every alcoholic knows that in the mornings we feel somewhat anxious, bordering on paranoid.
Anyway, what a RELIEF that for a bloody change, today I do not feel hung over! I can’t say that I feel exactly “clear-headed” but I’m sure if I manage to limit my drinking tonight then tomorrow I should start to feel more clearheaded, more “alcohol-free”. I sure hope so. I’m so tired of feeling hung over sick every day. Writing feels like a bit of a chore so I’m going to end it here folks.