So I took the detour a couple days ago and, just my luck, ended up on a dead end street! That’s a good thing! It’s a good thing because I finally understand the utter futility of trying to overcome this beast by my own clever thinking. You see, I’ve always fancied myself as a pretty clever guy. Yup, cause I know I was brought up in a good family, I got myself a UNI-VERS-ITY (said in a Southern drawl) education. I’ve probably read several thousand books in my life, from philosophy to physics, science to social studies, politics to religion.
Yep, I’ve got the brains and braun. I shouldn’t be a drunk! But I am. And not one shred of my upbringing or education can help me with that, as it turns out. It’s all just “stinkin-thinkin” in the end. I’ve spent the last 20 years trying to disprove that simple fact. Damn!
At the beginning of every AA meeting someone reads, “How it Works”. In there it states:
We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God.
The key is to “let go absolutely” and to look to and rely upon a higher power–call that God, or the Universe, or Cosmic Consciousness, or Synchronicity, or even just the community of fellow AA’ers–it’s all the same. It’s a power outside of ourselves, above and beyond our own stinkin-thinkin.
As for me, thanks to the past two weeks of trying once again under my own power to stop drinking–and failing–and after 20 years of doing pretty much the same over and over and over again, I have finally LET GO ABSOLUTELY and am ready for my higher power to do for me what I couldn’t do for myself.
Let’s see what happens now. Thanks for joining me on the journey!