Yesterday I went to my usual watering hole, to get out of the house and enjoy my new found non-alcoholic beverage, “Budweiser Prohibition” beer. One of my pals was there, enjoying his usual 6 or 7 in quick succession. He times his volume of drink for when his wife gets home. Sometimes he gets to the pub late and downs the usual 6 or 7 within a half hour! I never drank like that…hardly never. No, never hardly…
Anyway, somewhere between his 5th and 6th, I started my 2nd “Bud Pro” and got to thinking how nice it would be to have one of those real beers in the near future. Mighty fine and nice I thought. So, I decided to skip taking the Antabuse, figuring by the weekend I’d be ok to enjoy some of that real, real good ol’ golden bubbly. Oh, I could hear the sizzle and feel it tickling my nose! I walked home quite proud of myself, knowing I’m such a big boy now — I can decide when and if I want to drink! Yes siree! Such a big boy!
Once home, I had dinner, then turned on the TV to see if there were any new movies on. One caught my eye, called “Beautiful Boy”. Reminded me of my son, when he was little. And then I read the description…a story about a family whose lives are torn apart by their 18 year old addict son. Hmmmmm. Now that got my attention, but not in a good way. No, it was a bucket of ice water poured in my bloody lap kind of way. It made me suddenly wonder — “Am I really an addict”? Thirty years of my life flashed by my eyes.
“Oh shit”. I took the Antabuse.
By the end of the evening I was in a completely different head space. Seriously, I couldn’t understand how or why I came to the drinking conclusion earlier. Really. I remembered all of the A.A. meetings that I had gone to over the years (probably at least a few hundred) where I learned that, without exception, those who suddenly took a drink “out of the blue” like that had had the same sort of experience as me. It’s like the ol’ devil on the shoulder pops up and whispers sweet something’s in your ear. It feels like it’s coming from outside of yourself, like it’s not really you, although you know it’s you — but don’t care. A.A.er’s call that a “temporary form of insanity”.
And here I thought all those A.A. meetings had little to no effect on me. Wrong! Take.note.young.Jedi.
And I must note, had I not been taking the Antabuse, I most certainly would have had a drink without any waiting or hesitation. This is where the value of the Antabuse truly shines.
So here I am tonight, feeling really very fine. Sober. No plans whatsoever to drink. Ha! For years I used to sarcastically say, “Another day in paradise”, and never meant it. Tonight, I do.
And may we all.