Yup, here I go again. But THIS time, I’m really going to do it. How do I know that? I don’t know how I know, I just know that I know. There is something different about that. I’ve committed myself to 30 days starting today. If I do the 30 days — which I am certain that I will — then I will continue FOREVER. I’ve told my friends, who are all chiefly drinking friends (the main thing we share in common anyway) that I’m doing this 30 day thing and that I have to have their support. In fact I told them that if I don’t do this 30 days that I’m going to quit my job and go into rehab and then a half-way house and disappear. Yes, I’m open to rehab, finally, if that’s what it takes to get and keep me sober. I don’t think I’ll end up there — but I am willing to do it now if I need to.
So here we go. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober. A.A. meetings — anything and everything to do this, by God’s grace. I choose LIFE! See you there!
Five beers tonight (Tuesday). At zero by Saturday, forever. No “Moderation Management” planned for this guy. Tried that, many–too many–times. Doesn’t work for me. Total abstinence is my plan, finally. Well, reluctant acceptance of the facts that have stacked up for so long than I just cannot ignore them any more. It is what it is. I WILL achieve this by Saturday.
I’m thinking about starting up a video blog once I’m sober for a while. I’ve been following a fellow in the UK whose down to earth, candid and unrehearsed videos have really helped me recently. Here’s a link to one of his most recent to really impact me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_flWP7_fZJ4&t=884s
A bird that fly’s and stops along the way on this branch or that, on this tree or that, is responsible not just for the place where it ends its journey, but for every place where it stopped along the way.
In the same way, every drunk like me is responsible for all of our past, our drunken irresponsible flight from there to here. We all know that, and that makes being sober that much more difficult. But from what I hear, especially from the “Promises” stated in A.A., we can be forgiven, we can discover new life, regardless. This keeps me going.
I’m on a self-imposed detox this week. By the weekend I plan to be off the bottle, forever. That’s my plan. I believe it will happen. I believe I will make it happen, with the strength of my higher power, whatever that is, that which is beyond myself, that I know is there for me.
Thanks to all those who have supported me up to this this branch on this tree. This tree of Life.
Hey, ya, yahyah…whats goin on…I say hey, yah yah…..its a revolution…
….with hope, for a destination….
My oh-so-optimistic plans have been thwarted….sadly….for a few days anyway. Sometimes I seriously wonder if we are in fact dealing with “Principalities of Darkness”, that just want us dead.
Ok, I finally have myself a new AA sponsor. Starting today I’m going to commit myself to going to at least one meeting per day. That’s easy for me because I live very close to one of the busiest AA meeting places, with meetings a 10, 2 and 7 or 8 pm almost every day. I’m NOT going to “taper-down” my drinking this time. Rather, I’m going to get a small bottle of wine and have a few ounces of it only if absolutely necessary if I am going through any significant withdrawal, which rarely happens when I quit drinking. I’ve used this method before with success.
So that’s my plan, folks. Oh, and I’ll be seeing my therapist once every two weeks again, who is very supportive of my desire to stop drinking. I’ve also told all of my drinking “buddies” about my plan to quit drinking and attend AA. Only one called me a woose.
For some reason I really think I’m going to follow through with all of this, this time. I feel a definite spark of optimism deep within my loins. YES. I’M GOING TO DO THIS. With the help of my higher power, I will.
Thanks again to all who have been faithfully supporting me here. Your support has truly made a great difference. Bless you all.
Hello! I wrote this introduction and started this blog in September of 2009. As you will see, now 8 years later, I’ve continued to drink…
I originally wrote this as the introduction:
“This blog is the tale of a drunk. It will document either my deliverance or demise from what some people in our culture call the “Demon-Drink”; ALCOHOL.
I’m in my mid-fifties and had my first taste of alcohol when I was about six, but have been drinking steadily since I was 19. I can still remember my first sip of the emerald green, oh so sweet “Creme de Menthe”. So began my love affair with Alcohol!”
See the “About Me” page (next to Home, above) for more of my background info.
Your comments, input, advice, admonishment, whatever, as I travel this journey are all most welcome and appreciated. I so desperately want to be “finally free”. See my blog posts below for updates.