It’s ok…


5 night’s in a row now with very little alcohol. While I have aspired to do the whole, “Dry January” thing, my reality has necessitated a gentler, easier way to ease myself into it. I’ve been drinking less and less each night, tapering down to tomorrow, which I hope will be my first alcohol free day in a very long time.

Already, good things are happening. My memory is improving. I can concentrate for longer than a minute. I’m feeling feelings, smelling smells, feeling the soft touch of my cashmere cardigan, and of oh-this and oh-that! I’m connecting with everything and everyone around me! Feeling here, in the moment, rather than just being as I was going from one hangover misery to the next, like a Zombie.

I don’t believe in Zombies, not like the TV and movies depict, but I do believe in our being capable of being in a near Zombie like state, we heavy drinkers as we almost merrily go from one drunken eve to the next. The days might be sober, but just until the witching hour, until whatever time it is that we all pick up that next drink and desperately dig our way back to the land of the lost, where Zombies roam, that we drunks call home.

But I’m not there!!! I’m here!!! I’ve just been somewhat absent for a very, very long time. I’m not a Zombie, but I have been close, to that for too, too, too, oh so very, too long. But I’m back!!! Yes, I’m here. I feel me again, and it’s ok. It’s ok.

A drop of freedom’s nectar adorns my lip. I taste it and it is so very sweet and oh, so very good.

Yes, it is all ok…



Dry January…and beyond.


Yes, absolutely, I have signed up for this and I am planning to do it. I know it isn’t going to be easy. I’ve been drinking like a fish for the last few weeks (not to mention decades). Have had some of my all time worst hangovers. Aches and pains all over, all day long. Also had the worst flu of my adult life (which I soothed with you-know-what). So much booze lately. Too much. I’ve been checking in the mirror every morning to see if I’ve turned yellow yet. Not yet, thank God. But, did you know that your liver has to be about 75% destroyed before you show clear signs of it, like jaundice? Holy crap!

On a good note, one of my best bar buddies has signed up for the Dry January challenge along with me! That’s a god-send. I know he’s serious about it too. He drinks about as much as I do, so we’re a good match for this challenge! We’re going to meet regularly for coffee (not at the pub), hit the gym together and get a flurry of texts going between us to keep us motivated and on track.

I’m going to do this! And if I make it the month, I’m going to keep right on going and quit this insanity for ever!!!

Wish me luck.




A Christmas update from this drunk here in Vancouver, Canada. I hope to share with all you there. This could be a poem, but it surely won’t, because I’m serious, perhaps a bit delirious, thanks to the drink that consumes me every day. But on this special Christmas day, I do pray….that you all have had, a truly great Christmas, full of peace, harmony and happiness. Seriously.

Yes, I pray. I do! I’ve had a difficult few weeks and months, to be honest. While the obsession to drink has left me, I have kept up the habit. I really, really hoped to wake up this Christmas morning sober and free, but all I found was a broken tree. Well, no, I don’t have a tree. Well, I do. There it is above for you.

Anyway. I’ve signed on and committed to doing the UK “Dry January” thing. It just got its start 5 years ago, but has gained momentum. There are millions of people engaged with it now. Many who do take the month off drinking make a change for the positive in their lives, which is wonderful. I’m thinking about bringing the program to Canada. Well, I have 5 of my drinking pal’s signed up for it already! Would be great to expand that.

So, ya, I’m going to do the Dry January thing….and if I am successful at that, I will keep it going for as long as I can! That’s my plan. God help me.

Christmas blessings to you all.


Christmas poem…

Christmas time comes once a year.

Best to share with someone dear.

If not that, then good friends too.

Time to know those most truly, with just you.

Life’s blessings. Hard to find. Hard to mine. But still there, everywhere, ours to find…our richest, truest, gold mines here.

As for me, I grateful, true. And so glad to have all my friends, including you.




I’ve been planning to quit drinking and continue going to the pub to be with my friends, without drinking. Well, that could work, but first I have to quit drinking and that’s proving to be more difficult that I thought, especially during the Xmas season. No surprise there, I can hear y’all squawk. While the obsession to drink is gone, the habit is still very much alive. I’ve been drinking every night since I was 19 years old. That’s almost 40 years! If I stay at home—alone—which I don’t enjoy, I am quite easily able to limit the number of drinks that I have. It’s when I go to the pub that I get into trouble. So, I guess I just need to bite the bullet and stay home every night, until I’ve broken the daily habit. Then I can see what happens when I go to the pub and plan not to drink.

Seriously, all of this is the greatest challenge that I’ve ever faced in my entire life. If I could go to rehab, I most certainly would (here’s why) In fact, a dear friend (and drinking buddy) is heading to rehab sometime in the next week. His family are very well off and want to pay whatever it costs to get my friend clean and sober. He called to ask me if I thought he should go! I couldn’t have encouraged him more. In fact he said it was my description of the value of rehab that made him willing! He’s crediting me—his fellow drunk!

My friend is the second person I have encouraged and helped to get sober. Meanwhile, Nelson continues getting wasted. Well, I think my current plan is realistic; stay home, get sober, then try to go to the pub without drinking. I’m hoping that my experience being sober might encourage my other friends to try the same. That’s the pivotal element of A.A.’s success: get sober, help others to get sober. That’s Step 12, and is the most critical factor, in the A.A. way, to ensure and assure ones long-term sobriety.

That’s what I’m going to do.


Not big enough?


Sunday morning. Hungover, again. WHY? Because I drank too much last night, of course —although I didn’t want to! I really didn’t want to drink last night. But around 3 o’clock my best friend called me. I told him I had to take a break, that I was going to an A.A. meeting. He laughed, then said, “I’ll pick you up and drive you there!”. He was joking, of course. He would drive me to our watering hole and invite me to have an A.A. meeting with him over a few beers. I said no, and I meant it. An hour later I was at the bar.

Why? I know why. I’m battling a habit of daily drinking and at the same time I’m battling not wanting to stop seeing my friends. I love those guys. This morning, however, while reading the chapter, “How it works” in the A.A. Big Book I reflected on the “3 pertinent ideas” described there, in particular the 3rd which states in regard to our being set free from our alcoholism, “that God could and would if he were sought”. In a flash, it suddenly occurred to me, “Is my God (my conception of God) not powerful enough to enable me to go to the bar and be with my friends and NOT drink?”

Hmmmm. I never seriously considered that. Until now, I’ve assumed that I can’t go into a bar and not drink. Can’t do it, nope, impossible! But is it really impossible? Doesn’t it say somewhere in the bible that with God ALL things are possible? Yes, it does. God has already delivered me from the obsession to drink (see Grace). That was huge, and absolutely restored my faith and belief in a higher power that I choose to call God. Surely, then, that same infinite power of the universe can also enable me to not drink if I go to the bar with my friends? Surely.

Frankly, if there is one thing in my life right now that could further prove to me the power of God — that could even prove to my drinking buddies about that power — it would. be. this. If my friends saw me sit with them in the bar and not drink, I know they would consider it a miracle!

So, I know what to do next on my alcoholism journey. I’m going to make my god that much bigger. Big enough to enable me to be with my friends at the bar and to not drink. Some might consider this a foolish notion; “You can’t stick your hand in the fire and not expect to get burnt”. Oh ye of little faith! I’m going to ask God to meet me here now at my place of greatest need.

Here goes!


A Miracle…


The January 1st entry in A.A.’s “Daily Reflections” talks about miracles. About the miracle whoever wrote it had personally experienced, being delivered from their alcoholism. I’ve read this entry many times, but today, despite being terribly hungover from last night’s beer-fest, I suddenly comprehended it. Why this morning? Why today? Perhaps that’s now my miracle in action.

Like the author, I’ve never had trouble believing in God. And like him or her I’ve had trouble putting that belief meaningfully into my life. But today, thanks–and I mean thanks–to my alcoholism, I am looking forward to seeing God do for me that which I cannot do for myself (that’s obvious now). While God has already freed me from the obsession to drink, I cannot break free of the habit. This is the next challenge in my alcoholism journey. Today, I put my trust in God to set me absolutely free. Today, I trust in God to make me a miracle too.

Yes, my hope is renewed!