I just took my pill. You know, the little white one that will make be violently ill if I drink. Yes, the Antabuse. I feel proud of myself. I drank all weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, had a hellofa good time, except for the hangovers in the mornings, but I’ve had worse.
I can image anyone following my blog must think me rip-roaring insane. Maybe I am. That might help to explain the problem I have with alcohol. Hmmmmm, as if this is a new and novel stunning revelation! Ha!
But insane, yes. and I self-medicate with alcohol! A.A.r’s know all about the insanity of drinking. We keep drinking despite the negative consequences under the illusion that we might be able to control it. But we can’t. Nada, nope, we just can’t no matter what we do, how hard we try, we’re sailing a ship without a sail in a hurricane.
But I know I can control my drinking! I tried A.A. Went to a ton of meetings over many years but never felt at home there. Didn’t work for me. I found another “easier, softer way”. Yes, I did — the Antabuse.
I wish it didn’t all boil down to just the Antabuse for me. I really wanted to be able to quit the booze like all the other normal drunks did — like most of you here did in fact. But no, not me, cause I’ve never been able to walk the path of normality. I’ve always marched with a different cadence, tooted in a different key, driven down another road than you normal drunk’s folk.
I’m not suggest all you normal drunks are normal. None of us are “normal”, however that’s defined. We just can’t drink. That doesn’t mean we’re abnormal either. It’s just the way we’re built, right? From the top down rather than the ground up. Alcohol grounds us up, and that really sucks, but that’s just the way it is.
I drank this weekend because my best friend in whole wide world was in town. The last time he was here I was on the pill (the Antabuse) and could only have virgin drinks and it was boring, so this time I decided to go off the pill before he got into town so we could all have a jolly good time and we did. Do I regret it? Hell no…er….ya!
Whatever. It is done. I’m back on the Antabuse and my buddy doesn’t get back into town until September 4th…..so my next dash of insanity won’t be until then. Or perhaps it won’t. To be honest, I don’t know. I’m just trying to take things day by day these days, to put in more sober time than drunk. Seems that’s the best that I can do.