counting-sheep

On the 10th day after Christmas, my sobriety gave to me…extreme fatigue. And you thought this was going to be another pie-in-the-sky soliloquy about how extraordinarily wonderful sobriety is, didn’t you?! Ha! Well, it only takes a fanciful cursory reading of most of my blog over the years to see that it is full of mostly doom and gloom, so the past few weeks have been a refreshing change, we must agree.

So, I’ve been sober for 35 days now. 34 of those days I have had terrible insomnia. I’m not talking about the, “Oh it took me ages to get to sleep” type of insomnia. I’m talking about the, “Oh God I can’t believe what time it is nowtype of insomnia.

Last night was one of the worst, which is why I’m so tired today. I took some Melatonin and went to bed around 11. By about 3, I had taken a milligram of my anti-anxiety med. I take it in half-tab increments. Under normal circumstances, a half milligram is all that I need, but not last night…er — this morning really, because I didn’t fall asleep until sometime after 5 o’clock! I was up around 9.

During the night, I tossed and turned so much the sheets on my bed looked like a corkscrew. I was so wound up in them I was afraid I’d unravel at high speed and be jettisoned out the window into oncoming traffic. Oh, all night I was up and I was down and all around. Off and on I read some, meditated a little, ate some granola, did some stretching…all of which usually help, but no, not last night — not ANY night in fact since December 1st, my first day sober.

Amidst the unholy twilight, I read specifically about alcohol use and insomnia and discovered that insomnia is actually the number one most common “side-effect” for people who quit drinking! Oh great, here I always prided myself on wanting to be the exception to most rules! I sure wish I was this time. But no.

The good news is that the average duration for one suffering insomnia like this is 4 to 5 weeks, but it can last for much longer… I’m hoping I’m not in that much longer group. We’ll see. I also discovered that insomnia like this is also one of the biggest reasons why many relapse and go back to the bottle. I can totally relate to that temptation now! But I’m not going to give in to that. Oh no, no way! I’ve come too bloody far in this whole god forsaken adventure to miss the grand finale!!! And that’s my being able to confidently say — I hope one day soon — that I am FINALLY FREE from the booze; this pestilent scourge, this dogged tormentor of my soul.

May that day ever hasten — with sleep or without it — I will await with bright and sober heart, with sober mind and sober soul to see it come in all its glorious splendour.

And may we all.

((((Hugs))))

Nelson

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “On the 10th day after Christmas…

  1. I can totally relate! Sometimes I just surrender and let myself lie awake instead of getting frustrated haha. I always get this random sleepy spell at like 3pm while at work and I’m like “really, why not at 10pm” Anywho! So proud of you, keep on keeping on! Also, I agree with an earlier comment, your post are sooo funny! I look forward to them.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve had insomnia my entire life and usually need to herbal/supplemental equivalent of a horse tranquilizer to sleep (melatonin, valerian, kava, etc). There are some nights that no amount melatonin (and I take a lot) will let me sleep. Still, I would not trade my awesome sobriety for sleep. Alcohol sleep isn’t real sleep anyway. Every tired day you slog through is still better than drinking. Your worst sober day is better than your best drunk day. I have a ritual that I must perform to sleep every night: turn off all screens and supplements 1 hour before preferred bedtime then read something very bland (sociology, etc) until sleepy. Room must be dark and sufficiently cool. I wear earplugs as well. Hope you get some sleep!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for sharing that Betty. It gave me some tips – except for the reading Sociology part….my degree WAS in Sociology and reading it still energizes me! LOL 😉🙄

      Like

  3. You’re doing great and it’ll come right eventually! I think you’re an absolute badass for staying determined whilst your sleep isn’t great, I imagine that, as you say, this would be a huge reason to relapse and I have such massive admiration for how you’re steadfast in your sobriety quest! Big hugs to you!! 👍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your support. Yes, I can easily see how this would drive some back to the bottle. Last night it was just after 5 am that I finally fell asleep, then up at 10….thank God for Sunday’s! ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  4. VERY SOON you will have the sleep of angels. I do remember those anxiety stricken nights when the body is relearning to self-sooth. Rest assured it disappears to be replaced by sleep like when you were a kid.

    By the way, your writing is so much funnier when your sober! (And it was funny before.) The word-smithing is very impressive. I can see the mental clarity of an amazingly bright mind shining through.

    Welcome back. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hold on Nelson I promise that you will reach a point where you will start sleeping better and longer. I feel for you because this stage is terrible and being sleep deprived is horrid. Don’t let the little alcoholic bitch pull you back in with this old trick, tell it to piss off. Sending you a big hug XOX

    Liked by 2 people

Would love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.