We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.
It’s taken me 15 years to finally get this, completely, totally. 15 years to finally admit it. 15 years to finally see it. 15 years. That’s how long I’ve been going to A.A. (off and on). 15 years because I’m a stubborn son of a gun. Really stubborn.
When I was a teenager I don’t know how many times I heard people say to me, “You analyze things too much Nelson!!!”. I never understood what they meant, even after carefully analyzing it! Well, I’ve slowly learned that the problem is that I just think too damn much. Ya, I analyze things too much….hmmmm…ok.
Anyway, after carefully thinking about this (!) I’ve been able to see — after 15 years — that it’s simply taken me that long to do, as they say in A.A., my “Research”. Research in A.A. meaning being out there still actively drinking. The hope with that is, eventually (like after as many as 15 years!) we will realize that, having tried everything, we just can’t win this battle using our own wits, blood, sweat or tears. We finally realize that there is something about alcohol that is simply beyond our comprehension, no matter how much effort or thinking we put into it. That’s where I’m at today.
And so, I’ve started going back to A.A. meetings, just this week. I’m going to finally follow their prescription, their “suggested program for recovery”. The first thing I need to do is stop drinking. I’m almost there. Another day or two and I think I’ll be free of it. I think. I hope. I pray.