For the love of alcohol…

shootingstars

The first friend who I helped to quit drinking has been sober for almost 5 years now. Shortly after he quit drinking, he had what can only be called a “Spiritual Experience” — that was so powerful, to this day it’s enabled him to stay sober. This morning I was desperately thinking that “If only I could have an experience like Mark had, for sure I’d be able to stop drinking and stay sober”. Feeling like a 6 year old, I texted Mark and asked him if he thought it possible for something like that to happen to me. He replied that it could be and that, “God can do anything…God loves you Nelson…you are his little boy”. That touched me.

Then I thought about why I asked Mark that question. The answer seemed suddenly obvious. Well, because my drinking is consuming so much of my time and energy and money. I’m not as healthy as I could be and I’m spending way too much money on it. Indeed, that is all true and it really bothers me, and has for years. But then I admitted to myself, “But be honest here kid, the booze might be costing you money and your health to a certain extent, but the fact is you love to drink so much that you’re just not willing to let it go. In fact, you don’t really want to quit drinking. You just don’t want the negative consequences of it!

So true. In fact, I think the reason I’ve had such a hard time getting sober all these years is because down deep I don’t really want to get sober! I love alcohol — I just don’t want it to cost me so much. Bottom line is, I’m not strong or mature enough to give it up just in order to save money and be more healthy. That, and I don’t want to let go of the social life that goes along with it and I’m too lazy or not strong enough emotionally to make those changes.

I wonder if I have just truly identified the meaning of the word, “Alcohol Addiction” as it applies to my life?

Nelson

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3 thoughts on “For the love of alcohol…

  1. I went to a mindfulness seminar years ago, someone asked about quitting smoking. They would quit for a bit and then start again, over and over. They wanted to know how mindfulness would help them to achieve their goal.

    The instructor stated that they had not truly made a decision, either you want to quit smoking or you don’t. The fact that it was back and forth was that they had not made a decision. Either you decide to quit smoking and stop or you accept that you are deciding to be a smoker and accept all the negative features that go along with that like the potential for ill health and the costs.

    Your post brought that conversation back to me.

    Maybe try a week off to truly know if you’ve made that decision that you don’t want to quit?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve been thinking of doing exactly that…and am planning to very soon. If I CAN’T go even a short time sober, then time to take another look at things. Thanks for your input. 🙏

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