Oh boy, I sure tied on a good one last night. Wasn’t going to have a drop. But I ended up joining an old friend, “just for a couple”. After he left, I had a “couple” more for good measure. Then the ol’ liquid courage kicked in and I had a great idea. My buddy, and another buddy of mine, have been having relationship problems. So, I figured I’d text them both exactly how to solve their problems, because at that moment, I had become all-knowing and infinitely wise!
Man I can text fast when I’m drunk! I went on and on, sending one great text after another, for about a half hour. They didn’t even interrupt me by answering back! I felt so proud of myself. I set them straight I did! I told them exactly how to deal with their significant others in ways that would dramatically improve the quality of their lives, their partners, their children and even their future generations! It was “Life according to Nelson”, the all-knowing, infinitely wise expert on virtually everything. I was on fire! Right — on fire DRUNK!
When I woke up this morning, hungover, feeling like crap, for some reason I wasn’t able to think of myself as all-knowing and infinitely wise. I felt like a damn IDIOT. In fact, I even convinced myself that I was. An infinitely wise conclusion there!
So I texted my two friends and did the right thing. Said I was sorry for drunk texting them, that I really needed to get off the damn booze. Neither of them answered me, for some reason…
I don’t need to wonder why they haven’t answered me, 5 hours later now. You see, that wasn’t the first time I exercised my “booze and balls” on those two feller’s. I’ve drunk texted them quite a few times, and others aside from them. I even had the booze balls to set my boss straight once! Just once, cause he said he’d fire me if I ever did it again.
I’m not at all proud of myself today. I feel like heel. I know I can be an idiot when I’m drunk. I know I’m a drunk. I know where I’m going to end up if something doesn’t change, soon. What to do!? I just texted one of my newly sober “Dry January” friends that very question. He replied, “Stop drinking!” Hmmmmm. He might be on to something!