Slow suicide…

Last night I drank way too much. I’m suffering for that today with a pretty bad hangover. Worse still, lately I’ve been developing classical alcoholic neuropathy…tingling and numbness in my feet, bordering on pain. This condition can be reversed — if caught early. With continued heavy drinking, it can get far worse and become permanent. That terrifies me!

Heavy drinking is self-destructive. I know that. My numb feet and high liver enzyme count are physical proof of it. Yet, I continue. How insane is that? Very! It’s like an inadvertent, lazy man’s form of suicide! Such is the insanity of this “dis-ease” that A.A. people well describe.

Having the neuropathy lately has effectively enabled me to reduce my drinking, but obviously not enough to keep me from having too much like I did last night. I have been drinking less lately overall, so I have been making progress. But now this. I’m scared.

Nelson

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14 thoughts on “Slow suicide…

  1. I had alcoholic neuropathy for years. I didn’t tell anyone about the numbness in my arms and legs and hand… because I knew it was drink. And I wasn’t going to stop so why bother.
    Eventually years before I got sober I even had an MRI confirming it wasn’t anything else, but still didn’t stop drinking. Nor did people even tell me I should. It was bad. But in my self destruction I sort of enjoyed knowing I was doing this to my body and it was my secret.
    It’s largely gone now (almost two years sober) but not entirely.
    I hope you have that click moment where you really know that was the last one..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was one of those people who had to get scared enough to quit. Others can see what it’s doing to their lives and their relationships and that is enough to make them quit. I had to keep drinking until I was convinced it was going to kill me very soon if I didn’t quit.
    It’s time Nelson. Just quit fighting and quit arguing with yourself, just quit.

    Liked by 2 people

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