A few day’s ago, I was driving to meet a dear old friend at the pub. Whilst on transit, a thought came to me. One that has been haunting me for a very long time. That is, that the truth is, that we alcoholics don’t want to scarcely see, hear or know what the truth is about our condition. On the road that day, I suddenly saw it. I had goosebumps, all the way to the pub, where I drank only 2 pints, because I couldn’t drink more, having seen the truth. The truth is, all alcoholics are die-hard optimists! Yes! We keep hoping and dreaming that life is not the way that it is, but is rather the way that we would “like” to see it! The truth is, is is NOT. The TRUTH is, is that we have deceived ourselves with our cultural optimism! It has kept our eyes shrouded for Oh-too-long! The TRUTH is, that if we continue to drink, the drink will KILL US. We make all sorts of excuses along the way…along the way, the road to the truth. But the real truth is that alcohol is a beast, and it will kill us if we keep entertaining it.
I am very close to that door.
Last week my blood pressure was 160/110. My resting heart rate was 110. The doctor was worried about me! Since then, I have cut back. But, I have gone through several sleepless nights worrying that I would DIE!
This morning my blood pressure was back to more or less normal. My heart rate was down to 70. Tonight, I didn’t go to the pub, but I have had too much wine at home. God willing, I’ll be able to pick up where I left off yesterday, tomorrow. God willing. That is, if the BEAST doesn’t kill me tonight.
I don’t mean to be a downer here, friends….the 99% of you who are clean and sober. I’m just reporting in on this “One drunk’s battle with the bottle”. Y’all take care. God willing, I’ll report in tomorra! Please wish me luck. That might help.