For starters, I love the effect. It makes me feel GREAT! It also helps me with coping with the difficult issues in my life that I cannot change.
It helps me to be ok with living alone. It helps me to be ok with my landlord saying I can never have a dog. A cat is “ok” but I’m allergic to cats. It helps me to swallow down and accept my situation with my children and grandchildren, who all live within 3 blocks from their dear Mother. That’s a space I will never be welcome to, only because she insists on having them all to herself. If I were to move closer, I would live to regret it. She promised me that years ago. I’m not a bad guy or abuser, or anything like that. I do have my own ideas and opinions about how my kids should-have-been raised.
I drink because my drinking buddies like my company. They are the only “family” that I have. My AA friends are very angry and upset alcoholics. Not fun to be around, I’m sorry.
I drink because I haven’t had the freedom to pursue my artistic talents. I live in a city with the highest home prices and rental suite prices in the WORLD, thanks to China. I drink because all of the above adds up to a lot of good reasons to drink. but in the end, I know not reason enough.
Don’t tell me to go to more A.A meetings. I’ve done that. I go, and then hit the pub to celebrate that I went!!!
The drink will probably kill me soon. Then I will have the best sleep of my life!