Why do I drink?

For starters, I love the effect. It makes me feel GREAT! It also helps me with coping with the difficult issues in my life that I cannot change.

It helps me to be ok with living alone. It helps me to be ok with my landlord saying I can never have a dog. A cat is “ok” but I’m allergic to cats. It helps me to swallow down and accept my situation with my children and grandchildren, who all live within 3 blocks from their dear Mother. That’s a space I will never be welcome to, only because she insists on having them all to herself. If I were to move closer, I would live to regret it. She promised me that years ago. I’m not a bad guy or abuser, or anything like that. I do have my own ideas and opinions about how my kids should-have-been raised.

I drink because my drinking buddies like my company. They are the only “family” that I have. My AA friends are very angry and upset alcoholics. Not fun to be around, I’m sorry.

I drink because I haven’t had the freedom to pursue my artistic talents. I live in a city with the highest home prices and rental suite prices in the WORLD, thanks to China. I drink because all of the above adds up to a lot of good reasons to drink. but in the end, I know not reason enough.

Don’t tell me to go to more A.A meetings. I’ve done that. I go, and then hit the pub to celebrate that I went!!!

The drink will probably kill me soon. Then I will have the best sleep of my life!

Nelson

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “Why do I drink?

  1. Nelson, we are concerned and feel helpless. What can we readers do to help? If your grown children live by themselves, could you send a postcard to them just to say “I love you”? It may ease your heart a bit.

    Like

  2. I used to wish that I could see the future if I didn’t drink, and then also if I did. Like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol.

    There you are, sitting in a hospital room, unable to drink because you have liver failure. Your skin is sallow, and you are alone. All your drinking buddies are at the pub. You can’t pay your bills and you can’t work because of your bad health. And you’re still drinking when you can hold it down.

    But wait! In another version of the future, you are sitting with your son, who also had a problem with drinking, but because of your example, is a happy and sober adult. And you see the two of you together — happy, his children all around, amends made. Flash forward, and your son stands up at an AA meeting and dedicates his first year chip to you. And he can hardly speak because he’s so overcome with emotion and gratitude. And your heart is about to burst with pride and your love for him. His eyes hold yours, and you know that he loves you too.

    What if you could do that? Would that change anything?

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I sometimes wonder why you blog. You say you want to quit but most of your post are written whilst drunk. I know you are lonely, I get that. But if you truly love your drinking lifestyle then why keep a sober blog. I sense self pity, poor me kind of mentality. ‘Don’t judge me because I have an excuse for my poor behaviour”. And yet at the same time there is desperation under the self loathing. At the end of the day only you can do this and I really don’t know that you have it in you. You don’t want it enough. Sorry if this sounds rude but how else does one respond to your post which in all honesty are consistent in their negativity.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m definitely feeling sorry for myself. I agree with you there. I’m blogging whilst drunk because I want to be raw and real and transparent in here, sharing my victories and defeats. This is just “One Drunk’s Tale…one drunks battle with the bottle”, for better or for worse. I’m not going to let the booze kill me. I do have it in me…..the tale, the true raw and rugged story continues. Thanks for you input. I know that you care.

      Like

  4. Hi Nelson,

    If you don’t want to go to AA have you tried Smart recovery? https://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/

    If you love drinking so much and if everything is great when you drink then I’m a confused why you are blogging about it? If you are not willing then I’m afraid there really is nothing anyone can do for you. You have to be WILLING to claw yourself out of this hole. It doesn’t have to be like this, you can still have a full life and connection with those close to you.

    If you are constantly under the influence your perspective on things get’s so skewed. I truly hope and pray you give sobriety a longer go and that you find some peace. There is an amazing life after alcohol.

    Alcohol is a thief and a liar, really not worth your time. Be well Nelson, you are worth more than you know. xxx

    Liked by 7 people

  5. Those all seem like perfectly good reasons to drink…but doesn’t drinking make them harder to handle? It can’t make them easier. Keep at it because you never know what life might look like without alcohol. Better, possibly?

    Liked by 2 people

Would love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s