Last kick at the cat…

Well, this is it. You see the thing is…

No–no more excuses. I’m giving myself 3 days to get sober. If I’m not successful, I’m going to check myself into the Detox center. I stopped in to see them and they said that they can accommodate me on Monday if I wish. So, I’m taking two weeks of my vacation time starting tomorrow to take the last kick at the cat, and if need be I can go to Detox for the first week and then have another week after that to get started in the follow up “Daytox” program. Well, even if I do sober up this weekend, I may still check out the Daytox support program. Clearly, I need some help.

I did go to an AA meeting last night. Stumbled in to it that is, drunk. It was the same meeting that I used to attend almost 15 years ago when I put in 3 months sober. The fellow sharing last night at that moment very coincidentally happened to be the one and only guy who was also there 15 years ago. In fact, back then he and I were in another small group that met on Wednesday nights with our sponsor. We chatted briefly during half-time. He welcomed me, awkwardly. He’s stayed sober for the last 15 years. I think I might ask him to sponsor me.

I feel so ashamed and sorry for myself right now. Someone called me a loser in one of the comments from my last post, which I deleted, but today I do feel like that loser. Down deep I know that I’m not, that I’m just a guy suffering from an insidious disease, but I still feel like a loser nevertheless. Maybe this is my “bottom” as they say in A.A. Whatever it is, it isn’t a pleasant place to be (duh). If it’s my bottom, then I guess the only direction I can go from here is up, with some help. I’m hanging my hat on that.

Nelson

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “Last kick at the cat…

  1. Well done on making that decision. I hope it is going well. I fell off the wagon again but am back on and desperatly trying to succeed.

    Like

  2. You know what they call someone who calls someone else a loser, right? A BIG FAT LOSER! Good for you for identifying what you might need to do next. You are just plain, ordinary normal, fighting something that got out of hand!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are NOT. A loser, you are a person struggling with alcohol dependence. Shit, I’m a loser too then and all the other bright sparky thoughtful people in the sober blogspace. I’m proud of you for deciding that detox may be needed – please follow through. You can get sober, and stay sober, invest in yourself … much love and strength lily 🌷X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are NOT a loser! I’m in no position to give advice as I’m only on day seven, after several years of trying. Get up, brush yourself off and try again. I like that you’re looking for new ways to get/stay sober. I’ll keep following you and I’m cheering you on.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. If you are a “loser,” then everyone who blogs here is one as well. I am happy to be in your club, Nelson. I may go get a loser t-shirt today. ; )
    Just kidding, of course, but I can say that when I got serious about rehab and actually made arrangements, I was able to finally kick-start a few months of sobriety. When you start to take this thing seriously, good things begin to fall into place, like seeing the man “coincidentally” who was at your first meeting.
    The universe is conspiring to save you, Nelson.
    Your loser friend,
    Shawna

    Liked by 1 person

    • That you so much for your kind and inspiring words, Shawna! Yes, I don’t think it was a simple coincidence that that fellow was there. Moments like that do make one pause to think…and be grateful for the universe and of course for people like you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • And I am thankful for people like you. Speaking of signs, it’s kind of fun to make a game of asking for signs. Not just one, but a lot of them. They will start popping up everywhere, and suddenly your like “Who’s out there?” It makes you realize that there is a fantastic source of power in your corner. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Nelson, you can do hard things. You can. We all can. You have done hard things before. Take the help. You are setting yourself up so well to get the help that you need. You are NOT a loser. Whomever called you that is obviously in some pain themselves. We help people rise. We are here for you. I am here. Just keep telling yourself that you can do hard things.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Nelson, this is your time. Please go to the detox centre and do ask that guy to be your sponsor. Wishing you all the best, you are not a loser, you are suffering from a disease. The good news is, unlike most diseases you can recover from this one, as your friend with 15 years has proven. You can do this. Take all the help you can get.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Do not feel ashamed. Just find the help you need and strength within yourself to get sober. And then renew that strength each day. Whoever would call a person seeking sobriety a loser has clearly lived a life so charmed they’ve yet to encounter a disease as challenging as alcoholism. Lucky them!

    Liked by 1 person

Would love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s