Well, this is it. You see the thing is…
No–no more excuses. I’m giving myself 3 days to get sober. If I’m not successful, I’m going to check myself into the Detox center. I stopped in to see them and they said that they can accommodate me on Monday if I wish. So, I’m taking two weeks of my vacation time starting tomorrow to take the last kick at the cat, and if need be I can go to Detox for the first week and then have another week after that to get started in the follow up “Daytox” program. Well, even if I do sober up this weekend, I may still check out the Daytox support program. Clearly, I need some help.
I did go to an AA meeting last night. Stumbled in to it that is, drunk. It was the same meeting that I used to attend almost 15 years ago when I put in 3 months sober. The fellow sharing last night at that moment very coincidentally happened to be the one and only guy who was also there 15 years ago. In fact, back then he and I were in another small group that met on Wednesday nights with our sponsor. We chatted briefly during half-time. He welcomed me, awkwardly. He’s stayed sober for the last 15 years. I think I might ask him to sponsor me.
I feel so ashamed and sorry for myself right now. Someone called me a loser in one of the comments from my last post, which I deleted, but today I do feel like that loser. Down deep I know that I’m not, that I’m just a guy suffering from an insidious disease, but I still feel like a loser nevertheless. Maybe this is my “bottom” as they say in A.A. Whatever it is, it isn’t a pleasant place to be (duh). If it’s my bottom, then I guess the only direction I can go from here is up, with some help. I’m hanging my hat on that.