Mixed bag…

Wow. Thank you so much to those who have been commenting in the last couple of days. I have heard so many good things, so many heartfelt concerns about my welfare. Truly, most truly appreciated my friends. Ok, a few have made some off the wall comments, hence the mixed bag. But, bottom line, please know how much I appreciate those who have commented positively, definitively and honestly. I hear you all. Thank you so much.

That said, yes, these days I seem to only post when I am loaded. Like tonight. Until a few weeks ago, however, I never posted whilst loaded. I post while loaded now because I can’t  post while I’m hungover. As many of you know, being hungover is a terrible state of being. I can hardly do anything while I’m hungover, let alone blog. So that means I have spent the last couple of months hungover EVERY DAY. Bad boy that I am. Well, I’m a drunk. What else to expect from a drunk!?

That also said, today I also made some inquiries around town to see what resources are available to me, aside from Detox, Daytox and REHAB. There isn’t much out there. The Daytox program (an out-patient government run program for hard core street bums, which I am not) is the only viable alternative for me, but as I’ve said before, I don’t think I can do it. BUT…if I don’t find any other program in the next week or two, then I will seriously consider it. AA is always there, of course, but for some reason, I just can’t stay the course with it. I go for a few days, and then hit the pub to celebrate going. Ya. It’s kind of funny…I go to a meeting and then hit the pub after the meeting to celebrate going to a meeting! Kind of funny. Kind of. Ok. Ok. Ha-ha…not.

So ya, that’s where I’m at tonight, today. Thanks for staying the course with me here. I really do appreciate your concern. And, I do believe down deep that I WILL BE FREE of this beast, by hook or by crook, soon. I hope. I pray.


12 thoughts on “Mixed bag…

  1. Detox and rehab can really rub you up the wrong way, esp if you do not have a criminal behavior. Most of these places are frequented by people who take a plea bargain to avoid jail time. AT the end of the day… Its all in the mind… Having an accountable partner also helps a lot ( but beware of the enabler, because they will sympathize with you, but will not be able to snap you out it)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I remember too well the paralysis of hangovers/withdrawals. I would sit, sipping slowly from a drink, trying to wean myself off so the withdrawal wouldn’t be too bad, looking at the clock every 30 seconds to see if it was still too early to go to bed. I couldn’t do anything but breathe. If you can’t find the help you need where you are, please consider at least lurking on some of the online support communities. Or, if you just want to talk, you can always reach me at karymayhickey@gmail.com

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The best thing about not drinking is waking up without a hangover. Keep at it. I’ve heard stories from people that go to AA but kept drinking and then they were able to stop. It’s just the desire to quit. Maybe someone there will know more about where you can get more support.

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  4. I really hope so too Nelson, alcohol is a complete Ba###ard. I am thankful I can just quit without the help of rehab but for me it isnt quitting that is the problem, it is maintaining sobriety in the long run. 5 months is my longest stint. Alcohol is a cunning and deceiving vice, its voice is always trying to drag you back down.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Sometimes you just have to start from scratch. Even if that means leaving you job to get sober. Your job or your life. There’s more jobs and only one you. And I enjoy your blog so I’d kind of like to keep you around. It’s the choice you’re at now. Death (which is a possibility) or staying in your comfort zone.

    Liked by 2 people

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