Losing the battle…


Looking back over the last month or so, I’m tempted to think, or admit really, that I am on the losing end of my decades long battle with the bottle. I sense my demise in fact. Whoa. Writing just that suddenly shook me up. It’s true though. I’m fast tracking myself to an early grave if I continue as I have been doing lately. I can’t go to rehab, unless I quit, or lose my job. Trust me on that. Even a family intervention would get me fired. My “family” don’t have the resources or even interest to help me, let alone support me. My future looks dim, folks. But, I don’t want to die from this. 

I’m going to get myself a new AA sponsor, and really DO A.A, for a change. It’s my only hope. My.only.hope…..*sigh*. Let’s see what happens. 

Nelson…

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18 thoughts on “Losing the battle…

  1. How’s it going? Would love to hear an update! Just saw your comment from awhile back on my blog asking for the same thing.

    I just recently started going to AA and I finally feel a shift in how I view it. I was so resistant to it, and suddenly I realized, there’s nothing about this I don’t like. It’s just rooms full of people wanting to be better and talking about improving themselves and their lives. It’s actually a community I really want to be a part of.

    Hope you found a new sponsor and it’s going well!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sobriety isn’t something that happens to you while you are actively drinking. If you go to rehab, you have an opportunity to save your life and your job… whether it’s your current place of employment or some place different. .. if you don’t, you are risking both your life and your job……..this “wait and see what happens” just doesn’t cut it. You have to choose and live with the consequences of your actions… this is true for all not just you.
    strength for today and hope for tomorrow.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. There comes a time when all of us make the decision to quit for the final time, we can’t tell that it’s any different from all the other times, it feels just like all the other times, but for some reason, it is the last time. Quit for today and don’t worry about tomorrow, you get to make the decision all over again.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You can do this. There have been moments in my life where I’ve felt totally rock bottom and at my weakest, but somehow thats when I’m at my strongest. Clinging on and ready to pull myself up and fight for myself. These times are not exciting or glamorous. Going for a walk instead of a drink. Sitting on my hands in utter stillness wen I want to lash out or reach for a drink.
    Just one day at a time. You can do this. And I second what lily says though I know we have pretty good labour laws in the UK.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nelson, you say, often, that if you go to rehab you will lose your job . This is your reason for rejecting this option. How do you know you will lose your job ? In the UK we have employment legislation which means you cannot be sacked’ for being ill. You are ill, mate – seriously seriously ill. Would you be sacked if you had a heart attack? You are no less sick than that,. Get yourself to a physician. Show them this blog, tell them you are drinking roughly 100 u a week and cannot stop. GO TO REHAB , give yourself a fucking chance …. Please . It’s the only way . Lily 🌷X

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Nelson, I’m worried for you. Despite how wrapped up I have been within my own shit for the last month, I have been reading your post. You CAN. Do this, but something has to change …. What is that going to,be ? Love lily 🌷

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m 56 years old and getting too old to make a change. Aside from that, I love my job… It’s not a trigger at all. In fact it’s a blessing. But thanks for the thought.

      Like

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