Oh man…

I would love to report that I didn’t drink today, but after getting home from the 2 pm AA meeting, which was great and refreshing, I got slammed with a voicemail message. Sorry folks. So, tomorrow will be 1.7 then. 7 is my lucky number. Let’s hope for magic number 7. I’m at whits end here…life isn’t looking very good now. Ack.

The “Devil in the details”. I truly believe that there is an evil force at work for those of us caught in addiction! I’ve written about it before, but today am even more convinced. I don’t know HOW MANY TIME’S when I have been on the brink of freedom, that something rushes in to block it. SO MANY TIMES. I really, truly, think that there is an evil force that doesn’t want us to be free! I cannot deny this phenomena any longer. EVERY TIME that I have been on the brink of freedom, this has happened to me! Enough is enough. I won’t let it take me down. Something niggles at me to suggest that I am powerless over IT. Alright, then. God, or our higher power, must be more powerful. In him/it I trust. God willing (and I know he is) I WILL be free!!!

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14 thoughts on “Oh man…

  1. There’s a couple of things I’m noticing here. The first is that you seem to write your posts while drinking or just coming back from drinking-Just saying..
    Another thing is that YOU are “the something” that rushes in and derails you. When that voicemail came through, you could have turned around and gone to another meeting-or called your sponser. You are victimizing yourself. No one has said that this would be easy-but you have to push through the hard part- retrain your brain-STOP yourself from caving at the drop of a hat. There is ALWAYS going to be something that will entice you to drink if you continue to live in this world as it is. Nothing will change unless you change.Or die.

    Liked by 1 person

    • All good points, thanks. I definitely need to start calling my sponsor during times like that. And, I’ve only written a few blog entries after drinking. 98% are written whilst sober. I’m on the West Coast (Pacific Standard Time) of Canada.

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  2. Hey Nelson – Good to sort of virtually meet you. You don’t have to apologize about these slips. (I believe) you truly don’t have control over them until you admit that you have absolutely no power in the choice to drink or not. That was my experience. After I fully admitted to my innermost self that much, I did much better. I’m going to throw you up on my blog roll so I can keep in better touch with you! -Mark

    Liked by 1 person

      • Me too! I don’t know how or why that switch flipped in me but I’m so grateful it did. Before that I honestly never thought of ‘not drinking’ as an option.
        Totally agree with those saying that getting no sober is so hard – staying sober is easier. Man, as you know from my posts it’s hard, and a crazy journey, but it’s generally not about picking up a drink.
        Hopefully your mind will come to realise not drinking is a good positive choice, that will enrich and better you life, rather than something you should or have to do. Maybe aim for 30 days and see what happens. But really really commit to that. Don’t give up! X

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I do believe in spiritual forces but in this instance I donโ€™t think it is appropriate to blame that on your drinking problem. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge our own weaknesses. I read the story of a woman who was gang raped and left for dead. She managed to escape although lost the sight in one eye and was left with numerous health issues. She decided to use her circumstances for good and today is a public speaker and goes around sharing her story and encouraging victims of abuse. She does not see herself as a victim but as a survivor. It would be easy to give up and die but she chose life.
    It is hard. I am finding it very difficult. But I want to succeed more than I want to drink. I too am a mother and grandmother. If I give up on life what message does that send my grandchildren. What foundation am I laying for my grandchildren if I choose to give up on life because it is too hard. What would you say to your own children if they told you life was hard and they were giving up. You are precious, created perfectly. You have a choice…..life or death. Death is to keep on abusing your body with alcohol. Life is quitting and sharing your story with others. What would you rather have written on your grave stone, He gave up on life or He never stopped trying.

    Liked by 4 people

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