Day 1.5…rehab?

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I couldn’t do it. A friend texted me about 5 last night and said he was going to the pub. I caved in an instant. Well, I was sitting at home, alone and miserable.

Today, I’m hungover, and scared. I mean, really scared that I can’t do this. I called my AA sponsor last night. He thinks I should go to detox and rehab. Rehab! That’s the last place in the world that I want to end up. I can’t afford a private one, so there is only the one government one to go to, which is where my sponsor sobered up. He’s been clean and sober ever since, about 10 years now. If I end up in rehab, I’ll lose my job, then I’ll lose my car and whatever precious little dignity that I have left! Yes, all that scares me alright. Scares the crap out of me.

It’s just after 11 AM. I only now got dressed. Brushed the fuzzy mittens off my teeth. Gagged when I brushed my tongue. My throat feels raw from the gallons of gasoline, beer I poured down it last night. And did I mention that I’m scared? Well, paranoia is typical hangover leftovers. I know that, but it’s not fun going through it, just the same.

I think I’m also scared to stop drinking. The booze has been my trusted, faithful companion for so many years. Home alone? Burt the beer kept me company. Stressed out from living apart from my kids? Sally the Caeser comforted me. Ok, I’ve gone to AA, have hundreds of hours of therapy. I have all the “tools”, ways and means to stay sober, but I’ve lacked the fortitude I guess. Whenever I have sobered up previously, so many feelings come rushing in, overwhelming me, I end up calling ol’ Burt and Sally for help. Even my therapists have been frustrated. My case is complicated, I guess. *sigh*

Ok, I’m going to give it another go today. See if I can keep myself out of rehab. Oh man!

Nelson

 

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15 thoughts on “Day 1.5…rehab?

  1. Hug
    Somehow my husband ended up going to rehab, through a work sponsored program.
    Have you looked into work options? They might have one,..
    It changed his life enormously. Not that it was fun, but it was helpful…

    I always wish I had gone. Think about it. It is a good, safe place to think and heal.

    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Anne! No, no work options for me there, unfortunately. My employer would probably support (as in moral support) me going for a month, but after 40 years of drinking, I know I would need way more than a month, I suspect, from what I have heard from the AA-rehab recovery experts anyway.

      Like

      • You know, I think a month is a great start.
        Craig went for 40 days, and would probably have left at 30…

        The willingness to go is powerful.

        There are also outpatient programs. Keep searching!

        Liked by 2 people

      • We have a 6 week out-patient program at the local Detox. In fact, I sent a friend there 3 years ago and he is coming up on 3 years sober. It’s at the DETOX centre tho….where they lock up the street drunks, and then push on to the same program after their week long detox….so this guy (me) who grew up on the “West Side” would not feel at home there, at all. Maybe I just need to bite the bullet and get to 2 AA meetings a day, instead….I dunno.

        Liked by 1 person

      • It’s a tough one.
        I teach yoga at a detox/rehab facility….it’s less glamorous, but the people are all the same underneath.

        I an engineer. I have an excellent job, lovely home, financial stability. But I could have easily ended up at a detox centre…some days I wonder how I didn’t…

        Try it. You might feel like a bad ass! Lol

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey…I’m a recovering drug addict/alcoholic and I know that same scared you are talking about. I carried so much resistance and fear towards rehab. Relapse is a part of recovery and I have done it many times. I’m also blessed to still be alive. I leaned on AA for a really long time. It’s extremely hard to get sober in the beginning but it is possible. People do it every day. Just hang in there. Put one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing. I can’t tell you exactly what to do, I know, but I can offer my experience, strength, and hope. If you need to talk, I’m around!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah relapse is part of recovery…it’s a set back is all. Ppl refer to Aa as a 24 hour program. So try keep it to 24 hours without a drink. Keep doing it and stick to a daily program…rehab wouldn’t be the end of the world either man. You might not lose your job…u might get to keep everything u have but it will obviously involve putting your life on hold for a period. And that period is always insignificant if it can keep u sober. But I don’t know your circumstances and won’t presume anything…maybe talk to a professional about that. I wish you the best. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

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