Yes, you read that correctly. I’m back on the wagon. Let me tell you why I was still drinking and now why I’m not.
First, why I’m not drinking, starting today. Four reasons actually:
One; because of the poignant, alarmingly direct and heart felt responses I received in the comments to my last post. You made me pause and seriously reflect. You made me feel cared about, loved even. Thank you.
Two; after meditating for a couple days about why I was still drinking, a whole can of worms spilled out that I had to come to terms with — and couldn’t. Couldn’t adequtely explain to myself, in a convincing fashion, why I was still drinking.
Three; a couple nights ago I watched the Netflix film, “The Resurrection of Jake the Snake”. That film cut right past the sinew to the bone. While I was never famous, I have been famously infamous just like that guy, all due to the damn booze. Jakes favourite slogan, which he proudly pointed to, written on this T-shirt at the end of the movie is, “My History Will Not Be My Destiny”. Whoa. That hit home, right in the solar plexus.
Four; this morning before getting up I lay there staring up at the ceiling reflecting on all these things and said to myself, “I’m not going to let my history determine my destiny. I want to be a father and grandfather to my children and grandchildren. I want to spend the rest of my life living my life to the fullest way possible, regardless of my history. That’s what I’m going to do. God help me as I help myself.”
And so why did I continue drinking? Because I just didn’t care, about myself mostly. I’ve been working through Rick Hanson’s, “Foundations of Well-Being” online course recently. His approach utilizes the concepts of Neuroplasticity, which appeals to me, since I am very scientific/academically minded. So it’s been his ideas plus my ongoing Jungian Psychotherapy, and — perhaps even more importantly — the obvious care and concern of you people here, that has tipped the scale for me.
So ya, it’s time. Today is day 1.4…and I thank you all for your encouragement and support, in the past, and now going forward.
I’m going to set myself up on Twitter, using the name @onedrunkstale. I’d love to see you there. I’ve never used Twitter, but I’m looking for any and all ways to connect to people during my frightening sobriety journey. Ya’ll take care.