Why I was still drinking…day 1.4.

Yes, you read that correctly. I’m back on the wagon. Let me tell you why I was still drinking and now why I’m not.

First, why I’m not drinking, starting today. Four reasons actually:

One; because of the poignant, alarmingly direct and heart felt responses I received in the comments to my last post. You made me pause and seriously reflect. You made me feel cared about, loved even. Thank you.

Two; after meditating for a couple days about why I was still drinking, a whole can of worms spilled out that I had to come to terms with — and couldn’t. Couldn’t adequtely explain to myself, in a convincing fashion, why I was still drinking.

Three; a couple nights ago I watched the Netflix film, “The Resurrection of Jake the Snake”. That film cut right past the sinew to the bone. While I was never famous, I have been famously infamous just like that guy, all due to the damn booze. Jakes favourite slogan, which he proudly pointed to, written on this T-shirt at the end of the movie is, “My History Will Not Be My Destiny”. Whoa. That hit home, right in the solar plexus.

Four; this morning before getting up I lay there staring up at the ceiling reflecting on all these things and said to myself, “I’m not going to let my history determine my destiny. I want to be a father and grandfather to my children and grandchildren. I want to spend the rest of my life living my life to the fullest way possible, regardless of my history. That’s what I’m going to do. God help me as I help myself.”

And so why did I continue drinking? Because I just didn’t care, about myself mostly. I’ve been working through Rick Hanson’s, “Foundations of Well-Being” online course recently. His approach utilizes the concepts of Neuroplasticity, which appeals to me, since I am very scientific/academically minded. So it’s been his ideas plus my ongoing Jungian Psychotherapy, and — perhaps even more importantly — the obvious care and concern of you people here, that has tipped the scale for me.

So ya, it’s time. Today is day 1.4…and I thank you all for your encouragement and support, in the past, and now going forward.

I’m going to set myself up on Twitter, using the name @onedrunkstale. I’d love to see you there. I’ve never used Twitter, but I’m looking for any and all ways to connect to people during my frightening sobriety journey. Ya’ll take care.

Nelson

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Why I was still drinking…day 1.4.

Would love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s