Good intentions…

For those of us still drinking, we all start the day off with fresh resolve and good intentions, with grand plans to not. drink. today….but by the late afternoon or earlier, or later, we still. pick. up. Why? 

Because we don’t have a better reason not to. We are still stuck in our quagmire of crap. New day, same shit. So why not!? 

Nothing has changed. Today is a repeat of yesterday. We have all the same problems and issues that motivate us to drink. Nothing had changed, as I just said. So, why bother!?

This is the enigma of being an alcoholic! We are STUCK. Stuck each day in the same-o. 

How to get un-stuck? How, indeed. 

Dear Soberites….please tell us how to get out of this miserable cycle of destruction! Going to an AA meeting isn’t an answer. Can you help? Tell us, please. 

Nelson

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17 thoughts on “Good intentions…

  1. ‘Soberite’.

    I’ve never thought of myself as a ‘soberite’. Is that a good thing to be called or a bad thing?

    You identify yourself that merry-go-round. The same old treadmill each day.

    As others have mentioned above, if you do the same old thing, the same old things happen.

    I knew that key to my journey getting started was breaking that vicious circle and changing my routine. One day it hit me that more than just knowing about it, I actually wanted to do it.

    AA meetings were never going to work for me. Others find them successful, for me….well it was not going to work. So I decided to sit down and look at it as a simple supply and demand type problem.

    The first thing I had to do was cut off the supply. That meant doing crazy stuff like not going to the booze aisle in supermarkets and ducking out of social events that were held in bars or pubs. I knew the first two weeks for me would be critical. If I failed in the first two weeks, I’d be a drinker until I died.

    Having taken care of the supply issue, which came at a cost friends-wise, I had to deal with the demand side of the equation. I decided to find a displacement activity, something I could do to distract me from the cravings of drink. For me that turned out to be pulling on my sneakers and going for a walk. Not a speed walk. Not anything athletic. Not an arduous hill climb. Just me tramping the streets at a leisurely pace. On more than one occasion I have stopped cooking a meal half-way through, turned all the gas off and gone walking for half an hour or until the craving went. (Just had to remember not to walk past the booze shop!) It also had the added health benefits of dropping three belt notches so far.

    The final strand of the plan of attack was to understand that I will never be ‘sober’. I will never be free of the demons inside that tell me to drink. That is why I always refer to my abstention as a ‘journey’, hence my blog title Sobriety Road. Considering it as a journey without a destination helps me to keep it in mind that I cannot drink again. For me, declaring myself as ‘sober’ would be dangerous as I would slip back in to my old ways by over-looking the importance of not taking that first step.

    But I think the most important thing I want to say here, is just because something works for me, it does not mean it will work for someone else. Cast the net wide, be open minded, listen to other peoples’ methods, but above all understand you need your own method.

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  2. Lol omg you’re such an asshole. Btw, Nelson, we support you. I do, and lots of people understand that for some, writing is just a transcendent step to health. I’m not necessarily sure that the above advice is sound.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Nelson, this is one of the best, most succinct posts I’ve ever read on why it’s hard to stop drinking and get sober. It’s tough as hell so we need a reason to go through the pain barrier, and trying to do it without is doomed to failure. Whatever that reason is, it can’t come from anyone else – it has to come from us and from the heart. My driver was reclaiming my dignity, which had been AWOL for years. I hated the person I had become and did not want to live that way any longer.

    You’re right – all the same shit will be waiting for us – the people, places and things that make us want to numb ourselves with booze. Things have to change but it’s down to us to make that happen. The world will not remodel itself to a version that we find more acceptable. It was my experience that putting down the booze was pointless unless I made lots of other changes too – changed my routines, tried new pass times (funded by the money I saved by not drinking), explored new things to read and music to listen to, and reached out to make new friends. The world was just passing me by and it was never ‘gonna’ send me an invite to explore what I was missing; I had to go looking.

    There are a couple of things I’d add though. First, in sobriety, that same ‘shit’ can look somewhat different and not ‘smell’ quite so bad so we are more able to deal with it and second, we’re motivated and able to remove ourselves from the stuff that doesn’t add to our life, or actually replace it with things that do. Booze takes up so much head space that we don’t have room to consider things that might add value, because we are so caught up with how awful everything is – it’s all consuming isn’t it?

    And you’re also right about going to an AA meeting – it won’t provide the answer but it might throw up some ideas of where some of the answers might be found. On the other hand it might not. I’m pro-AA because it taught me how to see myself and the world differently – the keys to sobriety for me – but it’s by no means the only route to recovery.

    Thanks for such a great post.
    All the best, Billie.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Sobriety is over rated, and the cult of AA founded by a sex fiend that was involved with the CIA. Bt I read your stuff and it appears that you like to just repeat the same themes over and over-one big circle that always tells the same story- “Woke up today, focused on same thought as yesterday, ended up in a bar/pub. Came home to fish tank.”

      That’s boring stuff. (No offense intended) but certainly these cant be your best stories? I mean-your god is your own self pity, which I suspect has a bit of arrogant stupid pride behind it.

      I mean-if your gonna circle around your fishtank-tell some stories-some real stories about who you really are, and tell the reader why your blowing the same bubbles all the time in your own personal fishbowl; that water logged life of yours.

      Like ” ahh the fishtank again, and now Im remembering a movie with a fishtank, and a guy drowning another guy in a fish tank – and then, how my ex was like a big hook that came into my life but I didn’t bite her in all the right places, cuz she only offered me chum or that stanky booty; but no treal care or concern. And we ate each other like sharks,.” or something-details, man!

      Tell us about your REAL life-the one that led you to drink in the first place-at six years old lol. What kind of places did you live-what kinds of people were there with you. And most importantly-how did these conspire to drown you in your own life, like a fish in a tank?

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      • I hear you, and you are absolutely right that my writing could be much for colourful and specific — IF I was not trying to remain anonymous. You have stumbled across one of many blogs here on WordPress that suffer the same malady that you describe about mine, but who all want to remain anonymous here as well. If you read my “About” page, it tells you exactly what I mean, and if you take some time to surf through some of the “Blogs I follow”, you will see many others here the same. As a community here on WordPress, the way that we write is more than sufficient, while still maintaining our sense of community, which is really why we’re here.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Point well taken. Yes-it’s a great irony, this free speech thing. So I am guessing you are referring to my own personal About page then? Yes- I get professional grade harassment, and lots of amateur profilers combing through my blog, trying to piece together one narrative or another.

        i bet you can write some good stuff though, based on your conceptual awareness of that one fact mentioned above.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for understanding. Haven’t seen your “About” page yet…was referring to my own. And provided I do get and stay sober, I do plan to “come out” and put my real name on it all. Cheers

        Liked by 1 person

      • Good for you. I wish you the best of luck. Maybe a delicious cheeseburger, too, lol. One interesting note: back in the days where Oprah Winfrey (that narcissistic cow) had a tv book club, she promoted the work of an author-I think his name was james frey-and he was into the sobriety thing.

        well, it turns out that he did what many/most authors do-he took liberties with facts and so on. Well-that misandrist cow ruined his career by outing him as a “liar,” and to my knowledge he hasn’t written another book.

        Moral of the story, for me at least, is that you don’t owe ANYONE your whole truth ever. And especially any of those people who claim a god of truth-cuz they’re all liars, to the core, looking for truth in tge weakest and most vulnerable amongst us.

        Then, they poke holes in that, even.

        So-take your time bro- tell it however you need to, whenever your ready.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. The first 14 days were the hardest for me. I craved the sensation of drinking and smoking throughout each day. During those first days I tried very hard to change my routines and put my energy into productive things I enjoyed. Once I got past the first 14 days, it was easier. Everyday is easier with a stressful day here and there. I’m 25 days sober today. And I take it one day at a time. Keep trying!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. If your life is very routine-based you could start by making small non-threatening changes that aren’t related to drinking. Maybe meditation/relaxation, a short walk, a new food, discover some new music etc. Once your brain and mindset get used to integrating smaller changes you may be more ready to tackle bigger changes? I’ve done a version of this myself and it seemed to help. I know so well the daily cycle that you describe, it’s hard but it can be broken. Be well x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think it is about determination in the first few days .. Because it’s hard. It’s about recognising your triggers and having plans how to avoid or manage them; it’s about doing ‘something differently’ to achieve something different. Mostly it’s about faith, that things will be better for you when not drink fuelled- and that doesn’t come immediately . You can do it, you just have to decide to do it … Lily 🌷x

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  7. The most valuable advice I ever got was when my sober friend told me, “getting sober is not for pussies” It’s hard as hell and nobody can do it for you. You are stuck in the same shit because you are doing the same thing. It takes time to see the benefits of not drinking and it seems you are unwilling to wait. Rehab? Going somewhere out of your environment might help to get some footing. You have to decide to do something drastic and stick with it and you can’t do it alone- that’s why meetings help others – so they aren’t alone.

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