Day 1.3…

It’s just after 10 AM. I’m still in bed. Yes, I’m hungover, although I’ve been worse. More than anything I’m feeling tired and discouraged and a bit lonely. I drank a fair bit last night, but I’ve had more. I’m taking the day off, with a migraine in case any one asks, although that’s not true. More than anything I have a heartache. I’d like nothing more than to hit the pub after it opens at 11 to get some “hangover relief”, but I’m not going to do that. I can’t even afford to do that. If I didn’t drink I wouldn’t have any money problems. I’d have savings even!

As dismal as this all sounds (again) for some strange reason I still feel a glimmer of hope. But maybe that’s a deception, cleverly disguised by the beast to encourage me to just keep drinking because I still have this hope. I dunno. But, well, I keep reading a lot of people’s blogs here and can see that many of you are doing it, have achieved sobriety. That gives me hope. A lot.

Perhaps I just haven’t “hit bottom” yet. I can see what that bottom looks like though, and that’s not a place I want to go. Or maybe I’m one of those A.A. describe as “constitutionally unable to be rigorously honest” with myself. “There are such unfortunates” they say. Maybe that’s me. I dunno.

What I do know is that I truly want to be free of this disease. I’m willing to go to any ends to achieve it. I’d go to rehab even, if I could afford it. Oh well. Today is another day. Today I have another opportunity to start over. So, Day 1.3…and ya, I am hopeful. And thank you for being here. That helps a lot, to not feel so alone. Much appreciated.

Nelson

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10 thoughts on “Day 1.3…

  1. You can decide where your “bottom” is- you don’t have to wait for it to get worse but it will always get worse- it’s just the nature of drinking too much- there is no happy ending with over drinking. The best part of being sober is no horrible hangovers to deal with if nothing else gets better right away at least there is that and you can go to work.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Getting clean/sober is hard. I was an addict for a while until I hit bottom, which was jail and losing my kids. Been clean from drugs for 11 years. However, I do drink. Rarely do I get shitfaced. But I’ve noticed that my attitude is horrible when I drink and I’ve gained 20 pounds. So I decided to quit. That lasted a day. Day one again today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know, life sucks. People find religion or whatever to cope with it, but the bottom line is that for some life just sucks and it’s amazing that more people don’t off themselves in face of no apparent way out. But YOU have found an outlet here!!! We see you. Keep posting. We all need each other. (((Hugs)))

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Hope is in our nature like stardust…it’s what we do we persevere until we get it right…remember when the games used to say Game Over …Hit Start Again…just hit Start Again bro 😉

    Liked by 3 people

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