I don’t think I have ever drank and blogged before, but here goes.

I had a pretty good day today. No major stress, no hangover. But, I went to my local “Cheers” and had a few. Quite a few. Why? Cause I wanted to. That’s it. I’ve got soup to eat shortly, so that I don’t have a horrendous hangover tomorrow. You know…when we drink on an empty stomach, we have the worst of the worst hangovers the next day. So, I KNOW BETTER! I know how to drink, to mitigate tomorrows hangover! What a winner I am! Right….

I wish that I didn’t know, so well.

My point is…how we so willingly not only drink, but even pay for, our POISON, behooves me. Yet, we do. Why? I’m still trying to figure that one out. The “nature of the beast” some will say. I have to agree. In fact, I’m seeing it all the more as some sort of THING that possesses us, in the most evil sense of the word. Like, it’s demonic. What does “Demonic” mean? Well, a very evil force that however much we would like to dismiss…those of us caught in the grasp of addiction…we just have to consider. No priest, sadly, can exorcise this from us. Why?  I think it has to do will our WILL, which means it is within our own power, somehow. But, how to do??? That is the question. The answer, even with A.A…still eludes me.

We’re all in this together. Welcome!

Nelson.

10 thoughts on “Drinking and blogging….”

  1. I love your honesty Nelson and agree with the comments other people have left. I don’t drink anymore (though stopping was so,hard and for a long time I didn’t believed I could do it) but I still see this as a journey because I want to stay stopped. The thought of drinking again terrifies me and that fear is one of the things that helps me to not pick up a drink. I don’t ever want to go back there. In fact, I think I’d rather die.

    There was something on UK TV last week when an addiction expert said that “addicts cannot be loved, educated or punished out of their addiction.” If that’s true then it begs the question, what DOES work? I don’t claim to know everything about this illness but I do know about my version of it and there are some things I’m convinced of, so I hope you don’t mind if I share them now:

    1. I never wanted to stop drinking, I just wanted to lose the consequences. I waited for ages for the ‘want’ to arrive but guess what, it never did, even after I’d hit rock bottom. The problem was that I was looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place – I didn’t need to want to stop, I just had to be willing to, and willing to work through the pain barrier of life without alcohol. It really was as simple as that. Though the fact that it was ‘simple’ didn’t make it easy. So maybe ask yourself the question ‘Am I actually willing to do this?’ and YES YES YES, IT IS WITHIN YOUR POWER. For me, willingness proved to be enough to get me started and is what keeps me going – I’m willing to not drink even though I sometimes want to when life stinks or I’m bored or in emotional pain. Willingness combined with sobriety is a potent defense against this illness.

    2. I think we need to have something that makes the ‘fight’ worthwhile… something that drives the willingness. It’s difficult to change ingrained behaviour without a good reason. For me it was reclaiming my non-existent dignity, rebuilding a relationship with my family, not having blackouts, not waking up in a filthy, stinking bed full of cans and bottles and wanting people to stop pitying me, which I hated. What things drive your willingness to not drink and get sober? In moments of weakness, when we’re craving, it’s a real effort to hang on to why we’re doing this. There are lots of things we can do to fight cravings but I won’t make this post even longer by listing them here, I’ll do a blog instead.

    3. There’s no one size fits all answer to this illness, rather the solution is made up of lots of smaller things – not drinking an hour or a day at a time, sharing our feelings with other people like us, looking at ourselves and the world differently, being willing to change, valuing ourselves, changing routines, avoiding boredom, not getting hungry, angry, lonely or tired, if it works for us then going to a mutual aid group like AA, taking strength from our faith (if we have it)… the list goes on it. It’s a bit like a puzzle and we can’t expect to put all the right pieces in place at once but the first pieces are always the same – don’t drink and share our thoughts and feelings with others. The one caveat is that stopping ‘cold turkey’ can cause fits so we should always speak to our doctor beforehand so they can assess any risks and if necessary supervise the ‘detox.’ Sorry this is such a long reply but hope bits of it are helpful.

    All the best, Billie.

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    1. Thank you so much, Billie, for your heartfelt, thorough reply. I’m going to do some serious reflection on your thoughts presented here. It all makes a lot of sense. I especially like the “willingness” concept. All the best to you.

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