Day 12…a bit hungover

Yeeup, I did it again. Interesting how it happened. I didn’t sleep well on Monday night. I awakened tired and feeling a bit grumpy. That was my first clue. I honestly cannot remember the last time that I felt grumpy and irritable. Really. Seriously. My second clue was that I stayed grumpy and somewhat irritable for several hours. The only thing that has changed in my life recently is my drinking. Until yesterday I had only drank twice in 10 days, compared to drinking every evening for years and years. Alcohol must be my anti-grumpy medication! So, I sober up and suddenly have a grumpy day—oh GREAT. Being sober means I have to start having regular grumpy days? I sure as hell hope not. Maybe it’s still part of my sobering up; my brain still adjusting to working without the booze? I hope that’s all it is.

Anyway, I carried on yesterday as best as I could. I made a special effort to search for and make it out to a 2 pm AA meeting. I was asked to read the preamble, “How it works”. I thought that doing that might help to jolt me out of the grumps. It helped a little. But as the meeting progressed I felt progressively worse. I felt like my blood pressure was going through the roof. I was a bit feverish even. Withdrawal effects after almost 3 days without a drink? I didn’t feel like that at all last week when I detoxed myself. What was this all about?

Half-way through the meeting I decided that I would stop by the pub on the way home. Have just one to take the edge off. You know. Just one, maybe two. I left the meeting early. As I walked to the pub I felt so strange, like nothing I have ever felt before. Walking was an effort. I felt light-headed, empty, frustrated, desperate, discouraged, defeated. “Whoa”, I thought to myself, “this is something new. Oh great, just what I don’t need, something new”. At the pub, I ordered my favourite draft. Within a few minutes the grumpiness feeling lifted. By the time I finished the first pint all of the other feelings evaporated. I felt normal again. What a relief. Maybe it was withdrawal after all. Then a couple of my friends wandered in and the rest is history. A few hours later I staggered home.

This morning I lucked out, feeling not much of a hangover, thank God. I was tempted to give myself shit, to throw buckets of shame all over myself, but I didn’t. That never did me any good in the past. I need to focus on the positive—in the past 10 days I have only drank 3 times. Only 3 times in 10 days!!! That’s a bloody record for me! Wow! I didn’t know I had it in me! Atta boy Nelson and thank you to my higher power!

Ok, I do feel a little bad about even those 3 days. My two week plan was to have no drink at all! I guess if I had gone into a residential rehab program, then I’d be on Day 11 with no drink. And maybe the same if I had gone to the Daytox program. But hey, I have made progress—until this week, I’ve been drinking every day for 37 years! Give me a break! I’m choosing to give myself a break. I’m not going to drink today, and then again tomorrow, and the next day if all goes well. I’m going to two AA meetings a day now. Those really help. I’m exercising. I’m eating well. If in 2 or 3 days I wake up grumpy again, I’ll push past it. I won’t go to the pub. I’ll go to the gym instead, or call my AA sponsor (who hasn’t heard from me in at least a year). As the AA “Big Book” urges, I’ll do whatever it takes to not drink. I have faith in my higher power to see me through this. Already, amazing coincidences have arisen in the past 10 days to help me, and I expect all that to continue, as I continue on this very interesting but somewhat scary journey to sobriety.

Nelson

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One thought on “Day 12…a bit hungover

  1. Nelson, what is the real reason you feel grumpy while sober? Something in your past? Change your routine. Go around the pub. Put your sponsor on speed dial. My mom was an alcoholic. I well know the pitfalls and excuses. Take the day hour by hour.

    Liked by 1 person

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