2…1

Still drinking like a fish. I’m quite hungover this morning. I am SO tired of hangovers. I am feeling SO discouraged. I had planned to slowly taper down my drinking this week. Most of my plans go the same way. What can I expect from a DRUNK? Ohhhh, but the good news is that alcoholism is only a SYMPTOM of other underlying disorders. Sobering up doesn’t guarantee a change in personality. Ok, it does guarantee an elimination of the alcohol caused behaviours, like drunk texting. And it does guarantee that our health will improve. Oh alright, I’m being a pessimist. I could use another little miracle again today, like the bank deposit the other day.

So at the beginning of the week I decided that if I wasn’t sober by tomorrow (Saturday) that I would enrol in the Daytox program on Monday. I’m going to revise that a little. If I’m not sober by Sunday evening, then I’ll do it. I’m going to detox myself today, tomorrow and Sunday, using alcohol only as absolutely needed to help with the withdrawal. That’s assuming I have any withdrawal effects. In previous years I’ve had virtually no withdrawal effects other than feeling WEIRD. That and insomnia, but I have med’s to help with that part.

I’ve only gone to one AA meeting this week. Another disappointment, but I’ll go to one today for sure…

I’m really on the edge here. I’m feeling very powerless (Step 1) and not feeling very confident, but I do believe that there is a “Higher Power” of some sort at work, and available to me. I’m old enough, have had enough life experience to be convinced of that and that I’m counting to come through for me now, through meaningful coincidences, the Jungian concept of Synchronicity, just as it did on day 3. That’s MY “Higher Power”.

 

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One thought on “2…1

  1. Im sorry you are struggling. Maybe you aren’t ready yet. Maybe you haven’t hit bottom. It seems you are still digging the hole deeper. If you were really ready to stop drinking you wouldnt be extending your deadline for yourself etc.

    I understand. No one actually gets help until they are ready. You have to want it and evidently the pain hasn’t gotten great enough.

    Go to an AA meeting tonight. Go to two. And stop thinking. Stop making excuses. Don’t drink tonight.

    Or. Get drunk. Finish your act. The bars are open and the alcohol is there. AA will be here for you when you’re really done.

    Like

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