More research…

In AA, “more research” means you are still out in the field drinking. That’s not the farmers field, it’s the bars. And that’s where I’ve been every evening since last posting. I’m not discouraged, though, not as much as I have been before anyway. I KNOW I’m close to quitting. In fact, I have arranged to take two weeks of my vacation time in May for the very purpose of getting myself sober. I may even attend what they call “Daytox”, which is an out-patient program designed purely to help people get sober who otherwise cannot (or don’t want to) attend an in-patient rehab type program. It’s a 12-step program (AA based) and runs for six weeks. Once finished, they expect you to continue to attend regular AA meetings.They ask for just a few hours per day attendance for various classes.

Not long ago, I wouldn’t have given a second thought to attending a program like that. That was beneath me. I was too good for that. Real drunks go there, I smugly thought to myself. Hmmmmm. That thought has also kept me from going to AA meetings as well, for years. Well, guess what this guy is going to start doing in the meantime? Yup, go to AA meetings in the evenings. I need something to do with my time in the evenings, rather than go to the pub. I hate being at home alone. There is no other alternative!!! God knows, I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything, from reading, to watching movies, to playing video games, to going to the gym, to…to….to….everything. But look at that. On any given night, there must be 20 or 30 different AA meetings being held around the city (I live in a large city). I could even go to one at 5 o’clock, 7, 8, 9 and 11!

Will I do it? I dunno. I want to, mostly. I know I need to or this damn disease is going to kill me. I’ll let you know. Right now, all I want is a drink to help me get over today’s hangover!!! But not while I’m working (I work in a support staff position at an Assisted Living care home).

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