Enough wasn’t enough…

Look at that. A year and a half has passed since writing the last entry here. Turns out enough wasn’t enough after all. I’ve been drinking like a fricking fish ever since. Coincidentally, I entitled my personal journal entry this morning exactly the same as the last one here, “Enough is Enough”. Then I logged in here and discovered that that was the same title I last posted here. Weird. I’m going to take this coincidence as a sort of omen, a positive omen, that maybe this time I really mean it.

Here’s an update on my condition. This is what I wrote in my journal this morning….

“My drinking is jeopardizing my job. I had tremendous fears this week of what would happen if I suddenly get fired. Not a pretty picture. More like a horror movie. I’m doing such stupid things when I’m drunk. Drunk texting is my biggest problem. I’ve drunk texted too many people, including my boss, my kid’s and my friends. And they haven’t been pleasant texts. This morning I frantically checked my phone to see if I sent any messages last night without knowing. Thank God I didn’t because I had a lot to drink last night and easily could have. I’m afraid of myself!!!

I can’t afford to visit my kids because I spend too much of my money on alcohol. Look at what I have done! Alcohol has practically ruined me — my finances, my health, my creativity, my work, my relationships, my dignity. It has to go. I will not let it continue to do this to me. Enough is enough. That’s it.”

Oh, I know what some of you are thinking (assuming that anybody cares to read this). You’re thinking, “Willpower is not enough….only your higher power or rehab can set you free!” Baloney. I think it can be done and I’m going to prove it. I have to, because my life is going to hell in a hand basket awfully quickly these days. I don’t want to lose my job, I don’t want to lose my health. I want to be able to visit my kids more often. I want to turn my finances around. I want to enjoy life without alcohol!!! I truly want to be free, finally free.

And that’s what I’m going to do. And I’m going to document the whole process right here just as I originally set out to do. Enough truly is enough this time. And that’s just it.

That’s it.


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