I’ve been drinking a lot less in the past few days. It’s just before 5 pm. I just returned from a walk to the liquor store, and to get some mushrooms for the pizza I’m going to make later. The beer I bought is in the fridge. I turned on the radio to listen to some music as I write this. By this time of day I’m usually several drinks in. Today, none.
On the way to the store, I noticed the lovely scent of fall leaves, which are scattered all over the place today, after we had a long rain and wind storm overnight. I walked past the elementary school that’s near by. Lot’s of kids were still in the playground. Peels of delight, fun and laughter adorned the air (see pic above). As I walked past oh no — suddenly haunting memories came to mind, of my own children and now their children who I rarely see. A painful thought — but just as suddenly the pain transformed into gratitude! Gratitude, for at least having had those experiences with my own children, and to some extent with theirs. Yes, gratitude.
Then, as I walked home, with one beer and the mushrooms in my tote, I suddenly realized — for the first time in a very, very long time, I had truly enjoyed the scent of the autumn leaves; I had truly enjoyed hearing and watching the frolicking children in the playground; I had truly enjoyed the walk to and fro! When I got home, I put the beer away and thought I’d write a little about the grace I was gifted with out there on this special fall day.
As I started to write I also realized a few other things, one especially significant. I realized that I easily put the beer away; I realized that I actually wanted to listen to music as I wrote; I realized most significantly that, true to the A.A. “Promises”, God has done something for me in the past few days that I have not been able to do for years and years under my own strength and power — granted me these simple pleasures this afternoon (see this recent post for why this is remarkable) because I have drank very little compared to before.
But most significantly — in the past few days my long-standing obsession with drinking has..been..miraculously…lifted! Yes, the obsession to go to the bar, lifted. Yes, the obsession to drink to excess, or to drink at all, lifted. Yes, all of this completely lifted, removed, vaporized. How? We can call it God, or my “Higher Power”, or even just the benevolent and loving spirit of the universe, has done all of this for me. I call that grace. Grace most gratefully received.
Yes, and amen.