…Welcome…

Hello! I wrote this introduction and started this blog in September of 2009. As you will see, now almost 12 years later, I have continued to drink…

My original blog intro:

This blog is the tale of a drunk. It will document either my deliverance or demise from what some people in our culture call the “Demon-Drink”; ALCOHOL.

I’m in my late-forties (2009) and had my first taste of alcohol when I was about six, but have been drinking steadily since I was 19. I can still remember my first sip of the emerald green, oh so sweet “Creme de Menthe”. So began my love affair with Alcohol!

Well, I’m 61 now, and the journey continues. I officially quit drinking on September 17th, 2018 and enjoyed my first Christmas and New Years and birthday alcohol free in over 40 years. I say, “officially” because I have have since relapsed. But, my long-term plan and goal is to get drink-free. See the “About Me” page (top right) for more of my background info.

As my original intro stated, the purpose of this blog is to document either my deliverance or demise from the “demon-drug” alcohol. So, you’ll hear me talking a lot about just me, myself and I a lot. I wish I could say it’s now mostly about my deliverance, because I did have a number of months sobriety, but not since the Covid-19 crisis hit, which has really derailed me. Life’s journey never ends…until it really ends, which I hope to live to see!

I welcome your input as I travel this journey. I want, so desperately, to be free. See my blog post’s below for updates.

Nelson

Drunk still is as drunk does…

Yup, some will read this and think, “Oh here he goes again”. Well, you’re ABSOLUTELY right — because I can. I’m still drinking like a fish. It’s been almost a year, this relapse….December 15th last year I fell off the wagon and then Covid hit and that’s my excuse, for the most part. And it’s a GOOD excuse, pardon me!

Covid had turned our lives upside down. I’m a Hypochondriac, so Covid has scared the shit of of me. Especially last spring when we didn’t know how bad it was or wasn’t. Month’s later we discover that it’s only really bad for the elderly and those with other major health conditions. Meanwhile, it randomly kills young people. That’s still enough to scare me.

So…I’ve kept my sanity by meeting up with a few good friends at a local green space close to my home. It has benches, 7 feet long, so we can sit one on one side and the the other on the other side and maintain our proper social-distancing, which has been a life-saver and blessing for me. Otherwise, all this time I would have been at home alone, staring at the walls and the TV, which doesn’t give much social contact and comfort. Forget Zoom. Just doesn’t cut it.

Anyway, I talked to my GP doctor, on the phone, like the last 9 months, and he gave me a new prescription for Antabuse. It’s the only thing that works for me. So, that IS my plan, again, to hopefully get back on that before my 1 year back drinking anniversary hits on Dec 15th. I really want to do this. I know I need to do this. I really hope that I can and will. The year back drinking has really caught up to me lately….for all the same reasons…

That’s my plan, and yes, I’m drunk as I write this, but I am ever so hopeful to soon be free again….

Take care, friends,

Nelson

Right on…

This is right-on. Too many friends and family do not understand the plight of an addict...

I think that the real point here is that many people cannot understand addiction issues that others have. As for me I salute https://swennyandcherblog.wordpress.com/ and many others for being the OTHER SIDE of this beast, and for continuing to post updates. Well, I can relate to quiet and hopeful desperation, hoping for the best, ready for the worst…

Discovering a Relationship with an Inner Power

For those who might stuggle with the whole God concept in AA etc…many thanks to Steve K.

12-STEP PHILOSOPHY

By Steve K.

In the chapter “We Agnostics” in the book ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ (aka Big Book), it suggests that agnostics and atheists can often struggle with the concept of God; due to “a particular idea” with which they were conditioned with during childhood. “Perhaps we rejected this particular conception because it seemed inadequate. With that rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea entirely.” (p.45, 3rd ed)

The Christian concept of God, which I was conditioned with during my childhood, as are many, has been a large barrier in relation to developing a connection with a Power Greater than myself in recovery from addiction. I have found it difficult to relate to traditional language and ideas where the concept of God is concerned, and also held resentment against it. I couldn’t get past my own history of suffering or that of others in this world. It seemed a…

View original post 3,156 more words

Not dead yet…

So, here I am again. Yes, I’ve had a few drinks. Are we surprised? Of course not.

I’d like to try an experiment. I have over 300 followers — that’s a lot of people! I have no idea how many of you will receive this update. That part of WordPress I don’t quite understand, but whatever.

So, my experiment — well, it’s not an experiment. It’s a cry for help. You see, since Covid-19 hit, I’ve lost almost all of my social life, which included my bar friends too. So, having to isolate, live alone, has been very, very, difficult for me, to say the least.

I truly believe that a big reason why I have not been able to stop drinking this time is because since Covid-19 hit I have been so starved for social contact, especially from my bar friends but also from many others who I used to be in contact with on a regular basis. So what I’m proposing to those of you who do get this, is that we do something totally different.

First, I would really, really, like to hear from you. I am so starved for social contact. Please, PLEASE help me, please comment on this post or email me (onedrunkstale@gmail.com) and perhaps even share it to help me to regain some contact with you and others!!! I truly believe that my lack of social contact has made it that much harder for me to quit the drink again. I also believe that many people like me cannot stop drinking for the same reason…even before Covid…going way back.

Second, I’d like to suggest that we start a Zoom meeting of some sort. When you do Zoom, you don’t have to show your picture!!! You can just sign on with whatever name you like and join in anonymously. If enough of you are interested, I will pay for a subscription to Zoom so that we can all finally do this here together. Let me know!

I truly believe that if I can get enough support here in the comments section and email, PLUS as a bonus get into some Zoom sessions with you, that with that increased social contact, I WILL be able to stop drinking again. Will you help me? I hope so.

So there you go folks. Let’s see what happens next.

Nelson

Still slogging along…

I don’t know why this is so hard this time. I’ve been trying to taper down and get back on the Antabuse for several weeks now, but just haven’t been able to do it.

Should I be surprised? I think not. Years of A.A. meetings taught me that every time we go back to the trough, it gets tougher and tougher to get our snout out. Oh, woe is me!

I don’t know what to do, other than keep trying. Every day I wake up and think to myself, “Will this be the day? What can I do to ensure that it is?” The only answer I get to that is the shrieking shrill of my Tinnitus, plus a glimmer of hope.

Will this be the day? God, I wish.

Nelson